Why did the sheriff lock up her boyfriend?Ĥ3. What do you call a clairvoyant who escaped from prison?Ĥ2. Did you hear about the two peanuts who walked through a bad neighborhood?Ĥ1. Why is a traffic cop the strongest man in the world?īecause he can stop a 10-ton truck by holding up his hand!Ĥ0. This highway is completely empty.” Driver: “That’s what I’m telling you - I’m really far behind.”ģ9. Officer: “Do you know how fast you were going?”ĭriver: “Sorry, I was just trying to catch up with traffic.” Officer: “There is no traffic. What happens when a police officer goes to bed?ģ8. The officer says, “Ma’am, there are warnings posted up and down this highway. A cop gives a woman a speeding ticket, and she wants to know why he didn’t give her a warning first. The officer asks the driver, “Where are you going at this time of night?” The man replies, “I’m on my way to attend a lecture about alcohol abuse and its effects on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late.” The officer asks, “Who would give that kind of lecture at this time of night?” The man says, “My wife.”ģ6. After observing some erratic driving, he pulls the man over. An officer sees a man exit a bar at closing time and get into his car. Did you hear they arrested the Energizer bunny?ģ5. I guess he wants a rematch because he’s been following me for about 45 minutes.ģ4. A police officer pulled me over and said, “Papers.” Why couldn’t police notify the family of the murdered baker?ģ3. Officer: “I have to give you a ticket for not wearing your glasses.” Driver: “Officer, I have contacts.” Officer: “I don’t care who you know, you’re still getting a ticket.”ģ2. An officer stops a man for speeding and notices he’s not wearing his required prescription glasses. Jelly, powdered, glazed, and chocolate frosted.ģ0. One fire truck and 20 cops show up to a call. Cop: “Where do you think you’re going?”ĭriver: “Donut shop, officer.” Cop: “At 80 miles per hour?” Driver: “I wanted to make sure I beat you there, so there would still be donuts to buy.”Ģ7. Why did the NYPD show up at the Mets game?Ģ6. On what show do police officers solve crimes committed by garden gnomes?Ģ5. Why are policemen such great volleyball players?Ģ4. Why did the officer give the ghost a ticket? He asked, “Would it make a difference if I told you I’m in the Air Force?” The police officer replied, “Yes, but only if you were driving an airplane.”Ģ1. When caught speeding, an airman on leave tried to talk an officer out of giving him a ticket. ![]() Did you hear about the criminal who stole a lamp?Ģ0. He approaches her and asks, “Are you OK?” The woman replies, “Yes, but how do I get to the hospital?” The officer says, “Just keep standing there.”ġ9. An officer observes a woman standing in the middle of the street. I asked a rookie what he would do if he had to arrest his mother.Ĭop: “No.” Man: “What about all these other cars?” Cop: “They didn’t ask!”ġ8. Judge: “I thought I said that I never wanted to see you in here again.”Ĭriminal: “That’s what I kept telling the arresting officer, but he wouldn’t listen.”ġ5. What does a frog use to keep away burglars?ġ4. Me: “You were bored and wanted some company?”ġ3. Officer: “Do you know why I pulled you over?” What do you call it when a prisoner takes his own mugshot?ġ2. ![]() It’s only my hat that makes me look that old.”ġ0. Cop: “When I saw you driving down the road, I guessed 55 at least.”ĭriver: “You’re wrong, officer. He says to the man, “We’re going to have to give you a drug test.” Without hesitation, the man replies, “Cool, which drugs are we testing?”Ĩ. An officer comes across a man who is clearly under the influence. Cop: “Do you have any idea how fast you were going?”ħ. Have you been drinking?”ĭriver: “I noticed your eyes are glazed over. Officer: “I notice your eyes are bloodshot. Why did the police officer smell so bad?Ĥ. What do you call a female police officer playing guitar?ģ. ![]() Someone broke into the police station and stole all the toilets. The perfect crime was committed last night. RELATED: These Funny Comebacks And Insults Are What Our Minds Are Really Made Ofġ. Take caution, though, these babies are bad to the bone. So if you’re looking for inspiration, you’ve hit the mother lode. And who knows? The right one may even get you out of a speeding ticket. Police officers deal with serious situations on a daily but that doesn’t mean they don’t appreciate a good joke. Are you a police officer? Are you married to a police officer? Does your kid want to be a “policewoman” when she grows up? Have you ever been pulled over for a speeding ticket that you didn’t think you deserved? No matter your connection to or feelings for cops, police jokes will have the whole family laughing.
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